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User blog:NimhShambler/The Begining of an Empire...The Behordans
As pretty much anyone now knows, I love me some Nerdlucks, as a species in general--not just The Five. So, here we go, my "head-cannon" considering them and this "Empire" I've been on about: The Behordans General Statistics: Age range : 90 years on average Native Language : "Sperchen", "Imperial Basic" Homeworld: Vaterwald Bodies: Green skin, the whites of the eyes are always yellow, but the irises can be violet, grey, blue, or orange. Their hair tends to be white and the men always keep their hair cropped short, but only if they are very wealthy, successful, and respected (why Swackhammer is bald and his father has a wonderfully kept head of white hair). No facial hair. Long, pointed ears, long, pointed nails on hands and feet. Can range from fat to skinny, tall to short (though the women tend to weigh more and be shorter). They stand the Standard Height Range (human height range). Formed 440,000 years ago on Vaterwald, the Behordan people have spread out through the galaxy taking what they want; seeing rule over any planet not strong enough to defend itself from them as their birth-right. They are ruled by a single Kaiser. This Kaiser is known only as Kaiser, and is semi-inherited. When the current Kaiser passes away, all his or her heirs are brought together. They fight to the death (though cheating is permitted and actually encouraged), and the last one standing becomes Kaiser. Their old name, who they were before, all vanishes. They are only Kaiser. Behordans (Swackhammer's species) breed in prominence, despite the fact that most families only have one or two children. Each family has a brooding pool on Vaterwald, and when the eggs hatch, the Behordan "taddies" fight to the death until only one remains alive. This one will be named. The concept of love is lost on a Behordan; theirs is a society based on cruelty, deception, violence, and greed. No Behordan marries for love--only to further their family's stature in Behordan culture. They are extremely xenophobic and hate all other peoples, seeing them as inferior--to the point that they are not permitted to even learn the Behordan native language. Instead, they concocted a "vulgar", "low" language that they call "Imperial Basic". However, they are quite skilled at conquering a planet. They come in, take the world's inhabitants onto "Imperial Citizenship Registration Ships", burn their world to the ground, build a planetary ghetto (think Nazis, not "bad neighbourhood" ghettos), and ship the people right back in. The Empire itself is on a caste system, with Behordans being at the top. No one else is permitted to talk "down" to a Behordan, challenge one, or stand up to one. It is a crime, and, depending on the offending race's caste, is punishable by death (the real reason that Pound, Bang, Nawt, Bupkus, and Blanko do not want to return to Moron Mountain. They knew they'd be put to death the second they entered Imperial Space). The Empire is aware of Earth and Humans. Quite a bit, even before our first broadcast, Behordan eyes have been watching this world of "Filthy, stupid, hate-apes". During Earth's second World War, the Behordans planned to take Earth by sending a Behordan emissary to speak to high-ranking Nazi officers and, with luck, Hitler himself. They promised him Imperial support (with badly out of date Behordan technology) so that he could "complete his final solution". Then, they simply planned to come in after the Nazis had "killed the weaker peoples", take out the Nazi leaders, and have full control over Earth. However, on Earth-date August 6th 1945 and August 8th 1945, the Behordan's minds were changed. The atomic bomb(s) were dropped, Fat Man and Little Boy unleashed. It was not the fear of nuclear weapons that stayed the Behordan hand; it was the reckless, short-sightedness of Humankind that made Kaiser decide that Earth "wasn't worth it"--at least, not yet. Category:Blog posts